Client Journal: Communication of Feelings vs. Awareness of Patterns

Client M: This week was emotionally exhausting. I cried and cried some more. I do feel more joy in my heart than I have felt in a long time. I also noticed I am not mentally punishing myself as much as I used to. When I was down there with my family, I really started to notice the patterns. The blaming, the deflecting, the lack of genuine communication and the name calling. Now that I am becoming more aware of it, I am also more aware that it is oddly addicting to stay in this cycle of interaction. You have said in the past, that a common yet often unrealistic expectation of therapy is for people to expect not only for themselves to change for the better, but for everyone else in their life to miraculously change as well. I now am really starting to grasp the fact that my family most likely will not change. My father will most likely be cold and dismissive with me for the rest of his life. That thought hurts and makes me sad. But at the same time, I am starting to really realize and internalize that I can change myself, make myself better, and make myself the type of woman that will attract a warm caring man into my life. And that has me feeling happy and empowered.

Marta: Your awareness is astute and I am happy that you are accepting the family pattern and at the same time knowing that you can make another choice for yourself. First is awareness, choice, then working to energetically and emotionally to transform the pattern in you…you are doing really well….however, please commune with the little girl meditatively and ask her how she FEELS about her cold and dismissive father, and all the name calling etc…get in touch in your body…where she holds and shuts down to this traumatized communication. What steps will you take in to change that communication in you? Will you address this with your father and ask to be seen and heard?  Be closer to him by expressing your need for warmth? Awareness is a good step, and action to change the pattern through feeling, expression and need is more challenging.

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