Client Journal: First Group Experience

Tonight was my first session at group. I was anxious and nervous when I got there, but I was also feeling excited to taking the next step in my process. We went around the room, introduced ourselves, created rules and boundaries. No one told their story tonight, but what came up a lot during group was that all of the women (there are 5 of us) minimized their trauma, all of us experienced or experience some sort of disconnected and cold response when we told our mothers what happened and all of us come from some sort of hush hush don’t express yourself family dynamic. There is one woman in the group who I resonated with, because while another woman was speaking, she had a flashback and then started shutting down, she started leaving her body. The facilitator noticed, and called her out on it. She started crying and said she felt scared because she could feel herself shut down. I spoke up and shared that I have a problem with shutting down and detaching, and that when I do it, I feel like someone is choking me, I can’t feel my body, I just feel my head. Just pressure and conversation in my head. And when I do that, its usually because I feel scared, unsafe, or don’t want to receive a feeling that I am feeling. It felt good to say that out loud. Another woman spoke up and said that with her, she gets a metallic taste in her mouth. It was validating to see that other women have physical sensations with their trauma. It helps me to receive what happened to me, to continue to have compassion for my inner girl.

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