Client Journal: Grief

This week in general, I have had my days that was in my grief. Tears wouldn’t necessarily come out all the time, but I would feel it in my belly and  it had a physical heaviness to it. I also had days in which I felt happy. Since we last spoke, I find myself using my breath more and becoming more aware of my breath. I notice that when I feel tense, angry, anxious or sad, I hold my  breath. Maybe this is part of my need to control everything? Once I realize that  I am holding my breath, I let it out, kind of in a big whooshing noise and  settle into myself. What I feel the most after I do this, is fear and sadness. At the moment, sadness from the loss of my grandmothers, but I feel that there is other sadness there, I haven’t dropped down to what that quite is yet. I feel fear of rejection from being my true self. The fear more than anything is something I wish I could just snap my fingers and receive instant courage to not  be so afraid of my true self and what that looks like. But I know it’s not that simple. But there is also comfort and relief that I feel in knowing that I working towards and fighting for the manifestation of my true self.

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