Client Journal: Lost at Sea

I had a dream the other night that I have been dreaming on and off for the past year/year and a half. I was standing by the ocean watching the waves. It was either dusk or dawn. The water was a nice clear blue, the sand was white and the water looked warm. Usually when I have this dream, I am scared to go into the ocean because the waves look so big that I’m scared I might drown or get swept out to sea. Then I usually end up feeling sad because I want to surf those waves and then I criticize myself for being scared of something I love.

Last night’s dream was a little different in that I actually jumped in the water and did some body surfing in some of the waves. But as soon as the waves got bigger, I was scared to get back in the ocean again. I felt sad, disappointed and determined. Determined because I wanted to find a way to face my fear and get in the ocean with those huge waves. Then I woke up.

I have been resisting going deeper. I’m feeling scared because I don’t know if I will get lost in my own darkness or if I will make it through to the other side. I need a lot of help, because I don’t know how.

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