Client Journal: Saving the world – Special/Worthless

It has really hit me.

I cannot save the world.
I cannot save my clients.
I cannot save my daughter.
I cannot save my family.
I cannot save my dog.
I cannot save my cat.
I cannot save that bird.
I cannot save. I cannot save. I cannot save.

I cannot make it better for people in my life. I can only make me better by knowing myself, having boundaries and feeling deeply.

This must be all my enabling stuff unraveling.
I have spent my whole life trying to save people and creatures.
At least it has driven me to save myself! Whew.
But I have to rewire what saving myself means.
Accepting my humanness and messiness is my true salvation.
Not trying to make everyone happy and perfect.
For me this is a huge unwiring of my responsibility button.
It started with my mother…trying to make her happy.

I have believed for a long time birds come from an angelic realm in the energy.
That bird in my backyard came to give me a message (according to my Shaman training)
It came to teach me this lesson.

I feel so sad.
And I feel loved by that bird!

Had a realization when I got up this morning.
I always thought I was special in the eyes of God…doing God’s work…that I had a mission to serve God/Spirit.
It struck me that I have a special/worthless relationship with God!? Isn’t that like competition with God.
I am in shock.
I really want to accept my ordinariness and just be a human. It is such a burden and sad because the special/worthless part robbed me of my love and trust in God/Spirit.
I robbed myself.
I feel sad and shocked.

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