Client: I’ve been talking to her (my victim) and I am confused sometimes I think she is talking back to me but i’m not sure if it is her or it’s me. Should I be asking her questions? I have been asking her how was your day? What do you need from me? How are you feeling? How can I help you? I’m just wondering what else should I say to her?

For Example: Yesterday I felt very sad and I felt victimized b/c my car got broken into and I feel like it is my fault b/c I left some things out in plain sight. This is how i started my day. Then I had all this sadness and anxiety about leaving my neighborhood. I hate the fact that I always have to watch out for my car but I love my neighborhood for everything it has to offer. I hate my job b/c it does not feed me but I love it for so many other reasons. All day I felt myself screaming to myself ” GET ME OUT OF HERE!” Is that her speaking or is it me? She/me wants out of the life that I am living but she/me is excited because i feel like good things are on the horizon, I am all over the place. What do i do with that? I felt tired, shitty, I was pouting all day… i was like a big baby most of the day… is that her?

That is what I wrote in my journal I have been journaling after i speak with her to see if that helps. when I have been speaking to her she told me two things ( or maybe it’s not her and just me) but I think she said:

1. be nice to me.
2. pay attention to me… she wants my time and attention. She wants me to get to know her unlike the way my father never got to know her/me

Marta: Your victim is you. She is the wounded child in you. If you are you at a loss for words than you are in a collapse and not in touch emotionally with her SPECIFIC needs. An adult responds to what is being said and felt by the child…You need to feel her…and listen to her…tired, shitty, pouting; this is the victim child; paying attention to what she needs will help you know her. “Get me out of here” is victim. If someone is talking to you what do you respond. If you collapse than you are in child again, if you attack you are in the victim/victimizer behavior and pattern. Good things will happen if you listen to her. If she wants you out of the life that you are living and you are living in a dangerous neighborhood…what life does she want you to live and where? Asking general questions are not a connection to her…Ask her questions based on what she is feeling and saying…Most of you, right now, is emotionally a victim. The adult listens to her because she is going to tell your adult what her dreams and needs are through her complaints, fears and blame. You need to find your adult in your hips, belly and feet. An adult takes action, doesn’t keep stuck in the same old same old. Then the adult follows through to help her obtain what she wants. Being nice to her and paying attention to her is general advice. You need to go into your body and feel what she needs very specifically. I repeat SPECIFIC, because it is very intricate to know your victim intimately. If you want to know her better than your father…you need to be very very specific…for example: she wants to draw, she wants to work with children, she wants to walk along the ocean…she wants to climb mountains, she needs rest, she needs to read a book, she needs to live in a safe neighborhood, she wants a better paying job.. what does she want…how does she want to live? Once you know you have to take very practical, deliberate steps to get it for her.. this takes commitment and intention and follow through. Also, at this stage of the process you are sectioning out the child and finding your adult. The victim child leaks into the adult when you are not feeling what part of your body she is living in. The child is the upper body, the adult is the lower. Unless you can her take out of your adult, you can’t find your adult. This is the emotional energy work of coming into the body. Take a moment. Breathe, feel inside every organ, every cell, every muscle. Where does the child live? Where is her tension, her needs her feelings.Then find an adult in you. The adult is the one who follows through on getting the child what she wants. There are other sub-personalities that we will need to locate, like the critical mother and the judge as you spoke of. But first we need to find the child and adult.