Client Journal: The Critic Part 2

Marta: it is good you want to work on this belief… and your mother’s voice is now yours… so we have two jobs… to release your mother and express, and to forgive the voice of your mother inside of you.   These two incidences are sad and hurtful to you… so why do you want to keep hurting yourself?

How does hurting yourself take care of you?

You reject yourself before you can get rejected?  Life is a journey not a destiny… you have to give it all you got to get what you want and receive the universe in the way it gives back to you… you cannot control outcomes… and if you are going to try to by sabotaging yourself with your mother’s words then you will find yourself in hurt and pain…you need to know that wherever you wind up as a dancer is what is perfect for you…we cannot always have it exactly the way we want it… but we can to the very best with what we dream and desire to have…. if you can’t enjoy the ride you won’t enjoy anything, even if you get it…you are TOO identified with the outcome of being a dancer, instead of enjoying being a dancer…it is the love of something that makes fulfills you…not what it looks like…I hope you read this a few times and digest it..

Client Response: That was an in-my-face realization for me. You are right. I have been so caught up with and attached to “making it”, that I have lost touch with why I wanted to dance in the first place. Which is simply because I love it, I have a good time and it makes me feel good. The more I think about it, if I go take a class with the intention to just have a good time, learn some choreography and”rock it”, I dance harder, better and I have more artistry than I do if I go into class with the intention of “being the best.” It’s this thought if being the best that gets me into my head and into sabotage mode. I have to let go of this notion that I have to be the best… Easier said than done, definitely, but for my soul survival it is what I have to start working on doing.  However, it is a tricky line, because I still think it is important to have certain goals and hold myself to standards, but I need to find exactly where it is that I turn from becoming a committed dancer, to be the best dancer I can be, to becoming the attached dancer that gets scared and collapsed.

I feel happier and relieved sharing this with you. I feel relieved because reading your responses gives me the perspective I need to look at myself to begin to make changes within myself. I feel that this inner critic in me, is a major part of where my hurt and pain comes from.

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