Client Journal: Victim/Victimizer

Through the years I have saved certain things you have sent me that I thought were important or that I had
learned a great lesson from…

Below is something you sent me, Dec 2006. I read it again yesterday, and this time I was able receive it on a
much deeper level, back then I don’t think I was capable of receiving the real meaning of this and the impact it has
had on my life.

December 2006:

she is;

the victim child

wants revenge

is cold


never lets go of anything

object is to get everyone to see it her way

is in control and power issues (tantrums)
doesn’t follow through

abandons herself

These qualities are universal and most do not believe they are victim/victimizers because they are so lost in the blame. Difficult to look at it. As children we are victims, but as adults the victim child becomes the judge, the criticizer, the blamer, the manipulator, the hater. The only way to evoke change of this pattern is to get one to feel the victim; is she sad, hurt, angry, and grieving? This work is more for individuals who have somewhat of an adult who is willing to explore their victim without blaming and accusing others of hurting them or angering them. That is all victim to attack and externalize experiences. Expressing the hurt is healthy, but then you need to dig in and realize no one can truly hurt you when you are contained and whole from within. Whatever anyone does is always about themselves … it is never about anyone else. It takes time to master this patterning. It is cellular and comfortable to stay young.  Harder to grow up, make choices to feel and express needs and create boundaries.

I just want to say to you, I now understand fully how my victim/victimizer pattern works at sabotaging my
happiness and how deeply rooted this pattern is for me.

I also understand and see clearly how quickly I collapse, go into fantasy and abandon myself.

I feel sad about this pattern and see the consequences and impact it has had on many facets of my life.

I also feel excited and hopeful. For reasons I can not explain, out of the many emails I could had opened .. 1 chose
to open this and I really had a huge “Aha” moment. I am happy I can try to truly accept this behavior and stay
vigilant and more aware of this pattern.

I feel blessed for all I have learned from you and I want you to know that you have helped me to see and grow in
so many ways. I have only the deepest of gratitude for our work together.

I am very sorry for anything I said. I was unhealthy and collapsed. I didn’t have the fortitude in that moment to go inside and use some of the tools. I can use the change of meds and the quitting smoking and whatever else as an
excuse .. but when I truly dig in .. 1 now know that this behavior is not acceptable and I need to truly ground myself
and find the adult in me .. the part of me that wants to change, grow and survive.

This post was written by

Leave a Reply