Client Journal: Wrong Journal 2

I feel depressed.
I feel angry.
I am so mad at my child’s father.
He constantly digs and attacks and brings her more tears and adds more pain to the existing drama. He emotionally beats her up.
His selfishness/narcissism constantly blames her for inconveniencing him.
I know she needs discipline but she does not warrant his leakage of rage.
I am so angry.
I feel so much tension in my solar plexus. I feel the ‘control’ battle with him.
He is such a bastard.
I am mad because I feel so helpless.
He says the right words to me as a parent but his actions enrage me. He is so irresponsible.
I am trying hard not to defend my child in ways that do not support her. Trying not to let her play us parents off against each other.
It is so hard.
She is half like me and half like him.
Sensitive and manipulative.
Control, control. Right. Wrong.
This is making me crazy.
I want to protect the child (my child) from the angry father (patriarchal bastard society).
The son of a bitch. I just cannot get rid of the bastard.
I hate him.
My rage could rip men apart. Shred them.
I hate the power they have.
They have the power…they have what I need…’love’.
They never gave me what I wanted…no attention…no intimacy….no love.
Yes I am blaming them.
Son’s of bitches.
I hate them!
I want to destroy them.
I have so much rage in me I want to destroy, destroy, destroy.
I am fighting out of my ‘wrong’ belief. Clawing my way out of the depths of despair.
Admitting my hatred. Blaming.
Being a monster bitch.
Dark. Black. Red. Fire.
Rip them to shreds.

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