When I ask you to listen to me

and you start giving advice, you have not done what I asked.

When I asked you to listen to me

and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.

When I asked you to listen to me

and you feel you have to do something to solve my problems, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.


All I asked was that you listen, not talk or do, just hear me.

Advice is cheap:

25¢ will get to you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper.

I can do for myself:

I’m not helpless. I may be discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can in need to do for myself,

you contribute to my fear and weakness.

But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel,

no matter how irrational, then I quit trying to convince you and we can get about the business of understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling.

When that’s clear, the answers are obvious and I don’t need advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what’s behind them.

So, please listen and just hear me, and, if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn: and I’ll listen to you.


This post was written by

Leave a Reply