Client Journal: M’s Dream

Client M: I feel calmer, more in my body and not as sad. I am so intertwined with my mom and I didn’t realize just how much power I give her until our last session. When I was young she would tell me all the time, “I am the only one you can count on. I am the only one who really cares about you.” I really took to that to the point that, like you said, I see her as some superhuman being.

Last night I had a dream I was standing at the edge of a cliff by the ocean at nighttime. The water was pretty rough, like it is in a storm. But there were 3 women all dressed in black walking on the water. One of them had her arms outstretched toward me. I bent down to take a closer look because I couldn’t see her face. I tripped and almost fell over the edge. But when I pulled myself back up over the ledge, I saw a cobra with three yellow stripes. Then I woke up.

I don’t know who the woman was, but she did seem familiar to me. It doesn’t feel like she was my mother. When I saw her in the dream I felt scared, curious and excited. But I was too scared that I was going to fall into the ocean. But here is the interesting part: I wasn’t scared to fall because there were huge waves at nighttime, I was scared because the water was dark. And I remembered in my dream that my mom always told me that muddy water in a dream meant trouble. I was scared that if I fell in the water, I would get into some sort of trouble. Her opinion, her thoughts mean so much to me. Because I love her. But I hate her too.

Marta: A cobra in your dream means feeling controlled, dancing to somebody else’s tune, also a need to exercise caution. You’re being warned of danger. Fear.

The color yellow has both positive and negative connotations. If the dream is a pleasant one, then the color yellow is symbolic of intellect, energy, agility, happiness, harmony, and wisdom. On the other hand, if the dream is an unpleasant one, then the color represents deceit, disgrace, betrayal, cowardice and sickness. You have a fear or an inability to make a decision or to take action. Your desire to please others is at the risk of sacrificing your own needs and happiness. As a result, you are experiencing many setbacks.

I was standing at the edge of a cliff by the ocean at nighttime. The water was pretty rough, like it is in a storm. But there were 3 women all dressed in black walking on the water. One of them had her arms outstretched toward me. I bent down to take a closer look because I couldn’t see her face. I tripped and almost fell over the edge.

Black: Void or emptiness, beginning of creation, the chaos of creation.

Ocean, Big Waves, Big Storm: Vastness of emotions, big emotions.

Walking on water: Showing you the way to your emotions, coming in deeper to yourself and the storm of your emotions. This is mystical, soulful.

Women: What are three traits of the feminine that are both positive and negative to you?

The number Three according to numerology – you are witty, possess a gift for gab, and savor the limelight. Your talent for the expressive arts is so abundant that you may well have felt drawn to becoming an artist while still very young. Your artistic abilities can only be developed, however, through discipline and commitment to the true development of your talent. Commitment, concentration and hard work are the only means of bringing forth your talent.

Client Journal: Fear of the Depth of Sadness

Client: I exploded. I exploded. My heart became light. I can breathe. I cried I broke. I feel open. I feel something flowing through and out of  me. My chest broke. The broken pieces melted and flowed through. I broke down and I exploded. My chest felt heavy. I hit the pillows until I broke open. Now I am here coming back from where I was. I am back. I am here. And I look back and wonder about the grief that came out of my body. The pain, the crying. Where did it all come from? Have I really been keeping that locked inside this whole time? How sad? It’s been living in me and I kept it locked in all this time. How sad. So much pain hidden and trapped and I’m sure there is more there. More sitting inside of me, living and dwelling, resting in my heart to heal.

Marta: What stops you from going deeper into your sadness?

Client: I don’t want to see it.  I am afraid of the depth of my sadness. I am afraid of knowing how sad I really am.

Marta: Do you want to learn from your sadness?  Learn to take care of it with love instead of judgment? Feel the beauty of the sadness as the healing of your heart?

Client: I’m afraid and I want to.

Marta: Sadness is a connection to the soul of your little girl’s heart. She needs to be seen and received in this sadness. The anger is a defense against the healing of the sadness. When you embrace sadness it becomes compassion…and it helps you to understand your how much you need to be loved, recognized, treated with kindness and care. It helps you set boundaries, make discernment and choices in how you want to be treated in life. Keep going at a slow pace. Bit by bit, step by step…your heart is a tender organ…when it breaks open, it is allowing the light to come in…