Client Journal: Anger with the Family

Client M: I rarely feel my hips and feet. When I feel overwhelmed I feel all of my energy either go into my head or in my throat. Often I feel like I want to escape my own body.

When I think about what it would be like for me to cut off from my family, the first thing I want to do is escape into my head. But when draw my attention to my feet and hips, I feel angry. Very angry. And I feel angry because I have a lot of unexpressed and built up hurt and sadness with them. I am starting to understand what you mean about tackling each emotion in pieces. I have too much anger in me to really feel sadness and grief over my family.

I feel angry. I feel angry and indignant. Because I feel like it is unfair that I am part of a family that would potentially cut me out for expressing myself honestly to them and with them. That is the child in me. The adult in me knows that being honest with myself and with them is the way to really live and experience the type of life I want to have. But it’s the fear that I hold, the fear that my little girl holds is what makes this hard for me. I’m scared that I will end up alone, without a support system, and I’m scared (since I have done it before) that I will transfer my feelings of anger sadness and pain that I have for my family onto my close friends. I am scared to let go because I am still having trouble accepting how cold and detached my family is.

Marta: Your fear and anger is a difficult journey with your family. It is important to contain and not leak these feelings. Expressing your fear and anger is what will build your emotional body. You can’t change your family, and you will need practice in expressing to them. Breathe and contain. Remember that underneath you anger and fear is your need to love and be loved.