Client Journal: Hearing the Mother’s Voice

Client: I am split and part of me is my mother – I hear her voice and it is the part of me that is self-loathing and does not want me to be happy. The other part of me, the sensitive and vulnerable part, wants to break out, but the mom part is stronger and keeps me stuck. I want to get away from all of her hatred and sadness. I am twelve in this writing and I feel like I’m twelve again after I read it. I feel a great sense of loss, and when I look back I can see how I hang onto things, even when I don’t really want them, because I hate the feeling of loss.

Delve In
Marta: Hate the feeling of loss. It is heartbreaking. Yet it can open us up to drink in life in new ways, go after what we really want and live the life we want to live. Feel the bittersweet warmth of love.

Why do you hate your feelings, whether it be sadness or loss? It is life to feel. Feelings tell us what we need and want. They give us knowledge of ourselves. You cannot get rid of your feelings. You can listen to them and let them lead you. What do you think your sadness and loss means about you?

This is your “critical mother” in you, saying you’re too sensitive, too much, too, too.

This is what makes you unhappy, that your mother says you can’t be a feeling person and you don’t know how to express from your feelings because you were never allowed to.

Just for a moment ask yourself: Who do you want to share your sadness and loss with? Who are you afraid of losing? Can you love them more because you might lose them? What are you sad about? Can you find what you lost and can the sadness help you reclaim it?