patterns | Give Her A Voice

Client Journal: Communication of Feelings vs. Awareness of Patterns

Post Date January 10, 2010

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Author ghav1

Category Client Journal

Client M: This week was emotionally exhausting. I cried and cried some more. I do feel more joy in my heart than I have felt in a long time. I also noticed I am not mentally punishing myself as much as I used to. When I was down there with my family, I really started to notice the patterns. The blaming, the deflecting, the lack of genuine communication and the name calling. Now that I am becoming more aware of it, I am also more aware that it is oddly addicting to stay in this cycle of interaction. You have said in the past, that a common yet often unrealistic expectation of therapy is for people to expect not only for themselves to change for the better, but for everyone else in their life to miraculously change as well. I now am really starting to grasp the fact that my family most likely will not change. My father will most likely be cold and dismissive with me for the rest of his life. That thought hurts and makes me sad. But at the same time, I am starting to really realize and internalize that I can change myself, make myself better, and make myself the type of woman that will attract a warm caring man into my life. And that has me feeling happy and empowered.

Marta: Your awareness is astute and I am happy that you are accepting the family pattern and at the same time knowing that you can make another choice for yourself. First is awareness, choice, then working to energetically and emotionally to transform the pattern in you…you are doing really well….however, please commune with the little girl meditatively and ask her how she FEELS about her cold and dismissive father, and all the name calling etc…get in touch in your body…where she holds and shuts down to this traumatized communication. What steps will you take in to change that communication in you? Will you address this with your father and ask to be seen and heard? Be closer to him by expressing your need for warmth? Awareness is a good step, and action to change the pattern through feeling, expression and need is more challenging.

Participating in The Telling was a life changing experience. After more than forty years, my secret was out, I shared my truth! A very liberating experience indeed! The process of getting to my truth was a journey, and participating in The Telling was the catalyst for releasing the shame that I kept suppressed for so many years. My abuse was my biggest secret, no one could know yet the results of my abuse showed up everywhere. Now, I no longer hide my abuse, the secret is out, the shame has been released, and the healing has begun!

Rita Munoz, Cast Member of The Telling

Being a part of The Telling was an amazing, transformative, and therapeutic experience for me on so many levels. I have been in so much shame about the things I have gone through in my life and doing this has broken through some of that shame. What I went through is a part of who I am now and it’s nothing to be ashamed about. The abuse I went through as a child put in my head that I was not worth being loved and the different abuses I went through as a teenager reinforced that. I have been acting and behaving as if I don’t deserve love because of what happened to me. Through working with Marta and doing The Telling I was able to see that. Also seeing those men who loved, respected and supported their wives despite the abuse made me see that I can be loved despite what happened. I do deserve it. It helped me take it in on another level.

Melissa Michel, Cast Member of The Telling

Telling my story and dancing my story was so huge for me! It was scary, I felt anxious, but watching my video I also felt a lot of compassion for my inner little girl, a lot of strength for myself for being vulnerable, and sadness that I hid myself in shame for so long. This performance was the first time I cried while performing, and it was also the first time I really felt the energy of the audience receiving the piece. Usually when I’m dancing/performing, I am stepping into a world that doesn’t really exist for me. But this performance I was sharing a piece of myself, and I was being myself. It felt amazing! That connectedness is something I want to expand on and always have with me when I am dancing.

Marie Davis, Cast Member of The Telling

Being a part of The Telling was very much like landing on a mysterious island and not being sure what would exist, and what I might see. I came into this with blinders on, and slowly as the cover lifted, what was revealed to me was a beautiful place of honest communication, laughter, tears, healing, and love, love, love and more love. The emotional creature inside me was nourished, the insecurities squashed like an ugly spider, and the artist allowed to paint with brilliant bright colors. The feminine was home, at last. The Telling was a game changer, no, a life changer. It opened my heart up to relationships with others, and most importantly the relationship and care I give to myself.

Tracee Kafer, Cast Member of The Telling