Client Journal: Being Tough

Thank you, for guiding me through this process. The past couple of days I have been feeling…I guess exposed? Would be the right word? Actually, vulnerable would be a better choice. Since I began to acknowledge the deeper shame that I have felt. I try to hide my true feelings by either being numb, or tough. Tough in the sense that I act like nothing bothers me, or if it does, it’s “not that serious”. That is how I have been dealing with the molestations. I kept telling myself that what happened to me wasn’t that bad, that I’m really ok, that I have managed to cope. That’s not true, what happened was pretty bad, I am not ok and maybe I’m surviving, but I would rather be happy instead. But all that toughness was a layer to keep myself from feeling the deep shame that I feel because the people that molested me (with the exception of my grandmother) where only a few years older than me. It is hard for me to face that without collapsing in it.