Video – Client Poem: Crash by Sonam Hajela

Crash by Sonam Hajela

Written and read by Sonam Hajela


it’s coming
like a rain
down my face
a train hurtling at tragic speeds
a hurricane gone
I whip my head
my hair floating around me in
slow motion
where is everything?
my hands reach but
I can do nothing but wait while the
tires, rails, winds, sounds
crash into me
and I can only absorb
the skin too porous
my heart gone still
waiting, gasping
for everything to still
but the stillness is dangerous
I have no cover
from silence

Videos: Trauma, Brain and Relationship Sections 2 and 3

Trauma, Brain and Relationship: Helping Children Heal
Videos from the Santa Barbara Graduate Institute

Section 2: Brain Development at Risk

Section 3: The Many Faces of Trauma


Videos: Trauma, Brain and Relationship | Client Poems

Trauma, Brain and Relationship: Helping Children Heal
Videos from the Santa Barbara Graduate Institute


The Very First Relationship:

Read Article: Attachment and Adult Relationships: How the attachment bond shapes adult relationships

Client Poems:


Walk into the void
Lean into the words
Run towards them – reckless, fearless
What bad can come of this?
Monsters created and released to come back again and again
Tortured by my own creations, my children.
I dare not speak, form the words from my mouth, from my heart.
Then you will know
more importantly, I will know
And I don’t want to know



Small black pouch
filled with your most sacred possessions
rosaries, scapular, prayer cards.
a remembrance of a life well lived
Well, a partial life well lived.
A very small part of you who prayed every day
I don’t think that god heard you
This is all I have left of you.
Priest, father, teacher…devil
Who are you really?
Should have left behind empty beer bottles, crushed out cigarette butts, remnants of your rage.
Somthing deep inside that I cannot go to
Some emotion – my rage?
I can’t feel it yet.
I froze it here and thought I would take it out later, when it was a safe time to look at it.
Too late now.
Rage for the dead goes nowhere.
No one to express it to
You’re gone and I’m here and I’m still pissed off.
I burn with it and hate myself for feeling so sad.
for missing such an abuser.

Feeling, Expressing, Receiving, Time, Touch and Attention

Marta Luzim trained in an intimacy process with Doug and Naomi Moseley: The Moseley Method…read their book The Shadow Side of Intimate Relationships, available through Amazon.

Feelings are a tricky deal. Many times we THINK we are feeling but we are in a story or description outside of our own true experience. Clients I’ve work with protest, “But I have been feeling my sadness and anger all my life, it won’t go away.” My reply is, “You have been repressing your feelings and sadness and that is why they are stuck.” When we go into our bodies, the connection to feelings are more intense and direct: anger, grief, sadness, joy, excitement, hurt, love, fear, terror. Emotions are energy. They need to move. These direct feelings, primal feelings, are felt in the body and have a primal energy of movement. When we talk about our feelings, give descriptions we are usually not in our bodies, but in our heads. It is a difficult journey to identify, locate and access a true emotion in our bodies. Most times we are reacting with feelings to another’s behavior, not directly feeling our own emotions in response to ourselves and what we feel and need. Communicating a feeling in a healthy way does not come from blame, judgment, attack or manipulation. It is clean and direct. Our feelings heal us when we stop trying to make them go away, dump them on another or fix them.

Intimate expression comes from our hearts and souls. Inside our bellies are feelings that tell us what we want and need. Most are afraid to directly say, I feel, I need….they are afraid of rejection or criticism. So they disguise their emotions and needs and try to manipulate the other to be heard and seen. When we trust ourselves we able to directly feel and ask others for support and love; or express our hurt, anger, sadness and all feelings in ways that do not attack others or collapse us into a depression. Movement of emotions helps prevent stress, illness and chaos in our lives.

Receiving goes beyond listening with our ears. It is the opening of our heart, soul and every cell to allow ourselves to fully open to the other. When we stop, breathe and take in what another is saying and feeling without judgment we then can respond from our truth back to them. Receiving also is a practice in order to have self-love and self-acceptance. When we receive ourselves we are fueling our body and soul with the life force energy. If we shut down,and say NO to life then we cannot grow or be guided in life. Receiving is surrender, not a giving up or submission, but an allowing of each moment to be exactly as it is so we can learn and grow. It is a lifetime practice to receive and stay present. Daily meditation can help us learn to receive.

Endless number of stars can add up to the infinite number of souls that live in timeless space. Time is limited in our human existence, but endless in our spiritual existence. If we pay attention to the moment, then our whole life can reveal itself to us. So many people take time for granted. Then one day they look back and have regret. Why didn’t I enjoy that vacation? Why didn’t I enjoy my children? Why didn’t I enjoy my youth? Why didn’t I go after that career? Why didn’t I put more time into my marriage or relationship? Why didn’t I have more patience? Why didn’t I take better care of myself and slow down and just be thankful I am alive? Time is precious. Time is the container for intimacy, creativity and joy. How you will spend your time today?

My first Psychology class in my undergraduate work the professor showed a film of monkeys who were “touch deprived.” They separated the mothers from their babies at birth. The infant monkeys were aggressive, depressed and self-mutilating. It stunned me. I had never realized that touch deprivation was so prevalent in our society. So many clients I work with remember that they were rarely touched as a child. Touch is as important as air and water. Affection, stroking, holding, hugging and other intimate ways to show love, not just sexual, are part of the emotional food that we need in order to thrive and feel joy. It is also important to touch ourselves with inspiration, spiritual juice and simple ways of self-care; massage, yoga and meditation. How do you allow for touch in your lives?

It is human to need to be seen and heard. But how much do we listen to our own inner voice, feel what our bodies are telling us, embrace our needs? If we don’t follow our intuitions, believe in our heart’s guidance and follow through on our desire, then we will hunger for constant unhealthy attention from others. Healthy attention is mutual compassionate and passionate communication. However, we need to first locate what we feel and need, then we can know what form of attention we need from others. Stop, listen and breathe. What type of attention do you need? Physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual? It takes time to allow ourselves to feel we deserve attention. It is only human to feel we exist and have value.